On 25 August 2024, members of the The Moxie Collective congregated to share their thoughts on Glennon Doyle’s Untamed - a soulful and poignant memoir that challenges readers to break free from rigid societal constructs and reconnect with their true selves. Through candid reflections and personal anecdotes, Doyle invites her readers to engage in self-introspection and consider what it means to (re)imagine the blueprint of their lives to embrace authenticity.
Opening Activities: Warming up
We kicked off our session with a few rounds of Garticphone, setting a creative, playful, and engaging atmosphere. This was followed by an initial sharing of our thoughts on Untamed, where many of us expressed how Doyle’s narrative resonated deeply with our personal experiences. One of our members even likened reading Untamed to revisiting her diary, making clear of the profound connection she felt with Doyle’s work.
Discussion Questions: Digging Deeper
The following questions were derived from Untamed’s official book club and TBR’s community pigeon. They were pivotal in catalysing a rich and nuanced discussion that touched on themes such as society versus the self, past hurts, advocacy and activism, and (re)invention.
Losing the Spark: Glennon Doyle writes, “Where did my spark go at ten? How had I lost myself?” She describes how, at age ten, she began to let go of her true self to become the “good girl” society expected. How would you describe yourself as a young child? Does a particular age in your childhood stand out as a pivotal turning point for you?
Authenticity vs. Conditioning: After meeting Abby, Doyle realised that creating a life with her was her first truly original idea and decision as a free woman. Have you ever asked yourself what you truly want versus what you might be conditioned to want? Are there things you have denied yourself because they don’t “fit” with society’s expectations? Do you believe it’s possible to have what you really want despite a culture that might tell you otherwise?
Redefining Friendships: Doyle describes befriending Elizabeth Gilbert and discovering “a new friendship memo”—one with “no arbitrary rules or obligations or expectations.” Discuss the friendships in your life. In what ways do they operate by “arbitrary rules”? How do those rules serve you and your friends? If you were to rewrite the rules of some of your friendships, what would the new rules be?
Finding Magic in Heartbreak: Doyle says that heartbreak is “magic” and that “the thing that breaks your heart is the very thing you were born to heal.” What breaks your heart? What does that heartbreak reveal to you about meaningful work, activism, or opportunities for volunteering?
The Unseen Order: In “Imagine,” Doyle speaks of an “unseen order inside us”—a vision of a truer, more beautiful world. Can you relate to this idea? Have you ever felt a “hopeful swelling” inside you “insisting that it was all meant to be more beautiful than this”? When? What did that feeling prompt you to do?
“[We] are too vast to fit [our]selves inside these rigid, mass-produced bottles. But [we’ll] lose [our]selves trying.”
Our discussion revealed how various external pressures had impacted our sense of self from a young age. Many members shared personal stories of how bullying, gender stereotypes, stifling expectations imposed by loved ones, and experiencing sexual abuse contributed to losing their spark. The weight of these experiences often led to a suppression of their authenticity and enthusiasm that encroached into adulthood, mirroring Doyle’s journey. Through this process of reflection, we realised the many facets of our identities we had unknowingly dimmed and extinguished over the years to conform to the demands made by others.
Following this realisation, we discussed ways we could preserve our spark in a hyper-capitalistic and increasingly hectic world. Many favoured art. Whether it was writing, painting, drawing and/or producing films, we came to the consensus that the act of creating generates a safe space for self-expression that is untainted by the opinions of others.
“The culture depends on the sensitivity of a few, because nothing can be healed if it’s not sensed first… It is easier to […] dismiss us than to consider that we are responding appropriately to a broken world.”
We also engaged in a meaningful conversation about advocacy and activism, inspired by Doyle’s insight that matters that elicit heartbreak can guide us toward impactful work. This aligned with how most of our members made the decision to come together to counter the isolation and self-doubt we encountered in our personal journeys.
A few of us also drew a link between societal expectations and victimhood. For instance, the expectation for victim-survivors to follow a narrow, predictable, and linear recovery sequence and/or the idea of ‘perfect victims’ which shames and blames victim-survivors for not being cautious enough.
Closing Activity: Uncaging and (Un)becoming
“I am a human being, meant to be in perpetual becoming. If I am living bravely, my entire life will become a million deaths and rebirths.”
For our closing activity, we wrote letters to ourselves to envision what Doyle terms ‘the truest, most beautiful lives we could imagine’. This exercise challenged us to reconsider our lives, honour our discontent and pain, and confront the obstacles we might encounter while working towards a more ‘untamed’ version of ourselves. Sharing our letters aloud illuminated how diverse our dreams are, reinforcing Doyle’s wisdom that "our lives were never meant to be cookie-cutter, culturally constructed carbon copies of some ideal".
In summary, for most of us, our exploration of Untamed was much more than a book discussion; it was the starting point of a journey into self-discovery, societal critique, and personal empowerment. We hope to carry the spirit of this discussion through our most difficult days by reminding each other of the importance of having conversations with ourselves and supporting one another in our quests to reinvigorate the parts of ourselves we have repressed for so long.
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